People don’t talk about depression and that makes it very difficult to ask for help. I knew I wasn’t like other women when I watched others around me. I felt very alone although I have a large family living in the same house. I was afraid of losing my friends and family if they found out about my ‘illness.’ I was able to hide my fears and anxiety, as long as I got away and went to work daily. No one spoke to me in the office. I didn’t want to join the others for lunch. I chose to eat alone every day because I could manage my depression this way. I am 26 years old and I have been feeling very sad for more than 3 years.
When Covid began, and I had to work from home, a deep feeling of loneliness started to grow. I was desperate to get out and leave the house for a few hours but couldn’t. I had difficulty breathing and my family was always so loud. I struggled with feelings of abandonment and loneliness.
I began to cut myself on my stomach when I was alone in the bathroom. The pain made me feel better and helped me forget. But my sisters found out and they told my parents about the cuts and bleeding. The scolding and the nagging drove me crazy after that. But they made me realize that this was not normal behaviour.
I finally made the call for help. I understood, after therapy, that the self-harm was not my fault. It was a chemical imbalance in my brain. In April 2021, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after I tried to harm myself.
Today, I am much calmer. I am not totally fine yet but I know I will be okay. I will be able to go to work again in an office when the lockdown is over and I hope to be able to make friends. I want other people like me, to know that there IS help.
Just be brave and call for help.
